Hi there, AD.

I’ve been meaning to update you every week like I once told myself I would. But somehow life keeps moving too fast, and I get too caught up in everything to sit down and write to you from afar. Still, you cross my mind more often than I’d like to admit. How are you? Are you doing okay these days?

I just recovered from being sick. It wasn’t too serious, but it was enough to make me feel small and tired. Even then, no matter how unwell I felt, I never missed checking your status, your WhatsApp, even your last seen, just to quietly make sure you were alright. I don’t even know why I still do that. Maybe some habits are harder to let go of. 

When you asked, I told you it was just period pain. The truth is, I didn’t want to seem like I was looking for attention just because I was sick. I know things aren’t the same anymore, and maybe you don’t care the way you used to. So I chose to make it sound simple instead of making it sound like I needed you.

I went to Singapore recently with my cousin, her husband, and my sister. We stayed at JEN Orchardgateway Singapore by Shangri-La for two nights. The hotel was nice, but honestly, my experience there wasn’t the best. Some people were unexpectedly rude, and I even injured my right hand at one point. It’s healing now, so don’t worry.

What I did love about Singapore was the architecture. The buildings are so modern and beautiful, clean lines, tall glass structures, everything feels almost futuristic. And I discovered something new about myself: I am now completely obsessed with soft cookies. I fell in love with French American Bakery and Nasty Cookie. They were honestly so good that for a moment, everything else didn’t matter. 

There was also this little store filled with postcards. Rows and rows of them. It reminded me of you in a way I can’t fully explain. So I bought five postcards without thinking, not even considering the fact that we haven’t spoken properly in months, not knowing if we’ll ever meet again.

When I got back to the hotel, reality hit me. When am I going to give these to you? How would I even reach you? That’s when I realised how distant we’ve become. Now those postcards are just sitting in my office drawer, untouched. I don’t know what to do with them, but I can’t bring myself to throw them away either.

After that short vacation, I had my JPA exam. Three hours of writing essays felt insane. I did my best, but I’m not confident about passing. My handwriting isn’t great, and writing continuously for three hours especially in Malay was overwhelming. Trying to improvise the right words based on the questions felt so hard in such limited time. But whatever happens, I hope it turns out well.

I’ve been wondering when your exam will be. Just know that even if we don’t talk anymore, I will always pray for the best for you. Quietly. From a distance. And before I end this, congratulations on getting the pink form. I don’t know how you feel about it whether you’re happy or uncertain but I sincerely hope that whatever good is written for you will always find its way to you.

Take care. Always.

-AMS