Hi AD, 

Here I am once more, reaching out to you quietly from afar.

It was really good to receive your texts. They truly made my day. But I know I can’t expect things to stay that way for long, so I try to appreciate every message you send while it lasts.  There was one text I didn’t reply to, not because I wanted to ignore you, but because I saw your reply through my notification. When I read it, I felt sad. The way you responded didn’t feel as excited as I was. I just wanted to share more stories with you, but seeing that notification made me cry. It made me feel like I was disturbing your peace, like you had to deal with me all over again.

I didn’t mean to leave it without a reply. It just really hurt me to see your response. The next day, I sent you a long paragraph because I don’t think you understood what I meant. But maybe if you did understand, it only made you more comfortable with us being apart.

What I really wanted to tell you is that I still cannot move on. I’ve tried these past few months, I truly have. But every day, I struggle to stop myself from missing you, from reaching out to you, from checking up on you. Even now, I still can’t. I realize that I broke my promise to stop bothering you, but it’s only because I haven’t been able to stop myself.

Today, I found out that no matter how hard I tried to fix things with you before and even after I chose to accept your goodbye, you still see me as someone who hasn’t changed. That breaks me even more. Just so you know, no one else can see my status updates. Only you can. I still wanted to share small things with you and maybe that was my mistake.

I didn’t know until today that you were so irritated with me, that you had so much resentment toward me. I don’t know what else to do anymore.

There’s just one thing I wish and hope from you: please pray that I can forget you the way you seem to have forgotten me. Please wish that I will slowly disappear from your life, so I won’t disturb you anymore.

I did my best. I really did. And maybe next time, I just need to try harder.

-AMS