AD,

When the words are written too well, sometimes people stop trying to understand what was actually meant. You made it seem like I would never change, but somehow you were doing the same things that made me feel replaceable.

I’ve always admitted that what I did was wrong maybe even worse than what you did. Compared to me, you might say you were only having conversations with someone else. If calling me the worst person makes things easier for you, then I accept that. But the truth is, I was hurt too.

The moment I started hearing more about it, I felt the same pain. Because in the end, we were not so different. It all started with a text. No matter how much it hurt me, I kept quiet most of the time. Even when I spoke up and you reminded me that I had done worse, I still held everything in. I stayed because I wanted you beside me, even while my insecurities slowly started to consume me.

I kept trying for a long time, but somehow it never worked. And in the end, I was still the worst in your eyes.

Not just now, but years ago when you gave me a chance to change, I chose to stay and try again. I knew the consequences that might come. I was willing to be called the worst person. I was willing to be judged, mocked, and to face every emotion you had from not trusting me anymore. And still, I stayed  because I wanted us that badly.

But now, I don’t want to lose myself again.

Let me face the guilt of what I caused you, this time on my own. I tried, and I failed. Maybe not completely, but enough to know that this is where it ends for me.

I’m done, and I hope you are too.

In some ways, I’m grateful that you don’t seem to care as much anymore. Maybe that will make it easier for both of us to move on. Hate me as much as you need if that helps you forget me.

Despite everything, I truly appreciate every moment and every little thing we shared. I sincerely hope you find everything you have ever wanted, and that you will always be happy.

-AMS