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You,
I remembered the first time we met. The first time I saw you. Never expect it could turn out like this. Life is wonderful. I am grateful to get to know you, to love you with all my heart.
What's great about the first time we met?
I was mad because I was forced to get up in the morning just to go hiking. Told mom I was sick, and she told me to do something productive, if not the pain will get worse. After done with everything we went downstairs and hey, that was the first time we see each other. My first impression was, you're a good looking person. I didn't talk or even say hi to anyone. When I saw you, my mind messed up with so many questions. I asked myself, about you. I know it's kinda stupid but yea, I don't know you that time, what else can I do rather than talking to myself.
You look like a shy person, and you don't say much. I thought you were doing your internship, I was wrong. You're not. I remember the reason why I liked you in the first place because you were so good to my mama. You helped her during hiking. That's who you are, you like to help people even if you see it like it is just a small thing but it's not for me. You're a good person, too good. At that time, I want to know your name, I want to get to know you well.
My heart was shattered after listening to other people stories. Oh well, PEOPLE TALK, they just don't know when to stop. At that moment, I told myself to stop, stop thinking about you. Just stop.
That night, I was supposed to join my mom for a dinner. I refused. Thank god I have tons of works to do, and I have tests coming up. Since I have these "reasons", my mom didn't force me. When I was alone, I was thinking about you. What if I go to dinner, and we get to know each other? MEH. Slept early that night but mom and her friend woke me up just to show me a picture of you guys hanging out together, UGH!
After months, I got accepted to do my internship at you and mom's workplace, wow! How amazing can it be! But that time, I didn't think about you anymore. I don't even know who you are, I don't know anything. After 'mbj', I think, I stop myself from thinking about you.
The first day of my internship, you were there. MY HEART! I was nervous about many things, not you only but yea you're part of it also. It's like you were asking about something but I don't remember it. Then this one woman said you didn't even look at the memo. I looked at you but forced myself to looked away.
How did we start knowing each other?
I remember asking my mom for your phone's number, well it's not because I want to get to know you. That's not how it works but hey! That was the first time we talked! I desperately need help, I asked help from everyone but the only answer I get is, better to ask you. I did! How embarrassing! I thank god you helped me even it takes a long time, even though I already get other rates (I called someone else to get it) I guess that time, waiting for the thing was just a reason for me to get to know you. Silly me.
The best moment while knowing you, when we were on our way back home. It was cold up there and I decided to go down and stayed in the car with you. I sat at the back, and you're on the driver seat. We talked about movies, and I suggested you watch horror movies. I missed that moment and every moment we had.
I missed how we were back then.
Knowing you is a blessing. I can't lie the feelings I kept for a very long time. You think too much, end up drowning in your mind, your own world. I don't want to blame you. I was wrong the whole time. I am sorry, but sorry means nothing when it's already too late. You were too good, you deserve better. I missed you every day. I want to meet you, spend time together and go to our favourite beach. I want to talk to you until I fall asleep. I missed reading books while facetime and tell you some words that might be beneficial for us and you were just there, looking and listening. I missed looking at you while you were busy but still trying to make time for me. I missed saying the words I love you and how you say it too. I missed your silly-ness. I missed how you can act crazy when your songs came out. I missed smiling at you while you were looking at me. I missed looking at you when you lose in a game. I missed when you know, I'm about to cry because I'm going to lose and the way you make me feel okay again. I missed our cola time. I missed getting annoyed by you and making you feel annoyed. I missed our small fight because we don't know where to eat. I missed being in your arms. I missed you, more.
Every little thing we did together was precious to me. I'm telling you all this because I want you to know that everything is very meaningful to me. To you, I wish nothing but the best in your life. I may not be the best, but hopefully, there is something from me that brings out the best of you. I used to promise, I will take good care of myself and I hope you're doing the same too.
Take care, big guy! May you find the happiness you deserve.
I love you, always x
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